Last Weekend

So it's April Fools day today and I felt as comedians it would be a good idea to post. No I'm not going to try and fool you with something stupid like "Heroes getting canceled or a movie based on the life of Michael Jackson is being released." However both would not surprise me. I thought instead I tell you a story about my past weekend.

I was out with a couple of my friends drinking. We were at Lulu's which is sort of a chick bar where they sell chocolate and martinis. I told my friends that I would meet up later that I was going to go over to a bar where they were doing $1 beer night. So after being a little under the influence I was walking on River St. and I saw some Army guys making fun of everyone walking by. However I don't think they expected me to walk by that night. When they targeted me I was able to respond to him quickly. He said something lame like. "Hey is it tough for you being retarded." The guy had a Northern Accent so I responded something about him being retarded for being from the North. (Northerners hate when Southerners make fun of their intelligence.) The guy acted surprised I had a comeback. He responded "Where you from?" (Now I've many places both North and South i could have told him that... but where's the fun in that.) "Man, I'm from lots of places... Like 15 minutes ago I was from your mother's house" The guy's friend laughed crazy over this one... The one guy wasn't too amused. He tried to insult me back but they were rather lame. I mentioned that I was a stand-up Comedian and that he wasn't going to win.
It's sort of a mistake to mention this to some people cause then they want you to be an entertainer. I basically excepted their demands of humor and gave them exactly what they wanted which were dirty jokes and insulting them. I felt pretty calm insulting 6 Army guys... you know in case they took it too seriously. After one insult I remember one of the Army guys grabbing my shoulder aggressively and he gave me a cold look like he was going to punch me. After a long pause... He started laughing. I knew at that moment that I had won. Sometimes it's great being a comedian. I went to two bars that I have performed at and was treated very nice. Sometimes you have to have fun with people and not worry too much about the consequences.

Reese Waters!

We got to meet Reese Waters after his performance at SCAD. He's a very funny comedian, he's got a laid back style that lets you easily access his material. Here's a picture of us with him.



Yeah, it's kind of blurry. But not as blurry as Josh had told me. The night he told me that that it was out-of-focus, I had a mental image of the international league of Bigfoots meeting: White, black, asian Bigfoots. Sort of like a Rainbow Coalition of Bigfoots.

So I took it upon myself to redraw it, so you can get a clearer picture of some sort. And I included EVERYONE, like Captain Planet and his buddy Jack Daniels.

25 Random Things You Didn't Know About Hang Gliders

In honor of our new show this Friday: "The 25 Random Things You Didn't Know About Us" We decided to post 25 Random Things about Hang Gliders. Hope you enjoy this list. We'll see you at the show Friday.


25 Random Things You Didn't Know About Hang Gliders

1. We don’t know for sure how to spell hang gliding
2. We think there's a hyphen in it… but we're not looking it up
3. Hang-Gliding champions are huge douche bags
4. Just kidding... INVENTORS of hang-gliding competitions are douche bags
5. Just kidding again, they’re both Douche bags
6. Hang-Gliding is neither a sport, nor a recreational activity… just something for people to do if they are suicidal but don't have the guts.
7. Alex Rodriguez was banned from hang gliding for steroid use
8. 67 Darwin Awards have been given out as a result to Hang-Gliding.
9. Rob Blagojevich tried selling me a hang glider
10. Hang-Gliding for the Homeless is a charity that donates hang gliders to those in need
11. Hang-Gliding was once thought to be a cure for Polio.
12. We looked it up Hang Gliding is two words no hyphen. We got it right the first time.
13. Hanging your brand of Glide floss is not the same as hang gliding. That is actually called Glide Hanging. (side note: Glide Hanging also mean when you hang someone using Glide floss as a noose)
14. A US Airways plane landed in the Hudson River after being hit by a flock of hang gliders.
15. Hang gliding is the closest one can be to becoming a kite
16. The average hang glider goes 256 Mph when it crashes into a train going 256 MPH
17. Ben Franklin actually did not fly a kite to study electricity; he hang-glided.
18. Famous Hang Gliders include Kobe Bryant, Quentin Tarantino, Vlad the Impaler, and American flag sewer Betsy Ross.
19. Hang Gliding was the first Olympic sport... it was soon cut after the gods thought the colorful kites made everyone look like sissies
20. Hang gliding can be combined with water polo to create hang-polo-water-glide. It is doing well in countries such as Poland.
21. A Hang Glider in Ethiopia is known as a vampire.
22. In the movie Transporter 7, Jason Statham choreographed a hang gliding fight scene and lays a beat down on the villain played by Fiona Apple.
23. Magellan shortly after returning home from his famous voyage, circumnavigated the world again, this time on a hang glider
24. There are not 25. Random things about Hang gliders… hence why they don't have a facebook profile.
25. Why did we make a list about hang-gliders?

"25 Random Things You Don't Know About Us" show

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 20TH
The Conquerors of Comedy present: the "25 Random Things You Don't Know About Us" Show. Here are three:
1. Peter in the group and is quite the funny guy
2. Josh is also in the group and is quite the funny guy
3. Jeremy is also in the group... that's all

Find out what the other 22 are as we talk about the Oscars, Facebook, and everything else that plagues our minds. You'll see stand up, improv, and our popular regular feature: Headlines & Punchlines. The show is $5 and 21+ So leave your lame underage friends at the dorms and come out February 20th at 8pm to LiveWire Music Hall (307 W. River St. between the MLK and Barnard ramps). Stay after the show and catch live music. So if you didn’t land that job at the Career Fair, it’s all good, just blame it on the economy. Check out the Facebook event page.

New Parking Space

SCAD student wants new parking space, so she creates one. SCAD student crashes her car into the dorms. This was too funny since I go to SCAD. http://www.scaddistrict.com/?p=1276